Welcome to my site!
I have worked with expats in the last 8 years, and I encountered many problems. Despite it is rarely conscious, the number one difficulty of people living far away from their home country and inherited social support circles is "loneliness". And loneliness has dramatic consequences both physically and emotionally in the long term.
In the last years, I have made progress with people who came to me with some of the following challenges:
- no relationship at all, or only short and unstable ones;
- wish to change the dynamics of the relationship;
- wish to end unsatisfying or abusive relationship and to start a new, stable one;
- couple with serious relationship problems after having 1 or 2 or more children;
- having a third one while being in a committed relationship - having a lover or the partner having a lover;
- not being able to decide which potential partner to choose;
- not finding a suitable partner, despite everything looks good on me and people want to flirt with me;
- I am always a third in a relationship, I feel like it’s never “my turn”;
"My partner has problems":
- my partner has depression;
- my partner cannot accept my mother/family;
- with alcohol.
- being unemployed;
- working for minimum wage;
- wish to step up in career, to receive a pay raise or promotion;
- fear of public speaking, despite work would require it;
- I have a good position but it’s empty, I don’t feel really useful;
- "I am not happy with my job (despite my salary), but I don’t know what I would really like to do. Also I don’t think I could make this much money with anything else" (which is a common fantasy and not always true);
- I do my job well, but I don’t like it, I think I deserve better.
Having a baby/children:
- no satisfying relationship but crave for having a baby;
- difficulty with conceiving;
- not wanting a baby yet, but running out of time;
- going through egg-freezing or IVF treatment;
- previous still birth or premature deliveries and desire to deliver baby well and on time;
- having a child with special needs in the family;
- child having problems in school;
- being a step-parent is difficult.
Issues with the wider family:
- complications with mother-in-law or father-in-law;
- feeling guilty in the relationship with them;
- my parent(s) want to live with us but it is not working for us;
- we want our parents to live with us but they don’t want to and we are worried about them living alone;
- we would like our parents/brothers/sisters to help us but they are not interested;
- death of parents or close family member, or of a beloved pet.
Overall satisfaction with life:
- feeling lonely and isolated;
- (not severe) suicidal fantasies (in case it is acute, please do contact a psychiatrist as soon as possible);
- cursing unexplainably;
- not feeling at home in Belgium, wanting to go back to my home country;
- I am here, but I rather be somewhere else;
- "the Belgians are stupid”, I don’t want to do anything with them - but I feel isolated here, even if my life looks busy socially.
- obsessions (sexual, drug, medication, sport, career etc.);
- I know I have problems but nothing helped so far I tried.
Most of these problems can be especially well addressed in a group, but working in group is not for everyone. It requires a personality which is strong enough to deal with the pressure of the group, and a certain robustness to not loose oneself in it. It is often an advanced level of work, succeeding the resolution of a number of individual problems first.
Life is full of ups and downs - it is hard to imagine a person without ever having a single problem. It is part of life and it is normal. If you recognise yourself in it, please do not hesitate to get in touch with me or a colleague. We, people profoundly need each other, and many of life's difficulties can be much better resolved with an expert's help - while lots of them can't ever be solved alone.
I wish you all a Happy 2018!
Lena Ildikó Vincze